Hey.

I haven't really been updating lately. Well, I did update a month ago I think but it wasn't really a REAL post. Well what is a real post anyways? Whats the whole point to this blog? Some people blog everyday but all their posts are just the same "Today, I woke up did this, went there, end of story"
Whats the point.

Well today I'm really bored and I have nothing to talk about. So unfortunately, This's gonna be those cliche random posts. Feel free to leave right now. :)

So I woke up 2 hours ago, The house was empty, Had a heavy breakfast but I'm still hungry. I might be having an eating disorder. I eat a lot but I'm CONSTANTLY hungry. I just can't control myself. =/

Anyways after that I went online and I've been online till now. Listening to old songs from Paolo Nutini and Damien Rice and some 80's rock. Their music's just beautiful. Pulls your heart strings.

The caption above is from Creep, By Radiohead. The one song that I've been listening to for so many years and I'm still not sick of it. It's probably one of the best songs written. It's basically about feeling non-deserving because of your imperfections. I don't know, Probably.

I wish I could write songs like that. I don't understand those songs you hear on the radio, Half of them's about a chick who's dry humping the fucking dancefloor and wanting to get fucked. Like Kesha's songs are about fucking a guy with a beard in her backseat. What the hell? How do these people get famous? Why are they still famous? Where're all the beautiful songs? The meaningful songs? Sigh.

Oh yeah and Slash has a new album! People say he sucks cause GnR are the legends, Not slash. But Slash basically made GnR. Anyways, His new album is bloody awesome. I'm hooked to it. Definitely gonna catch his concert in Sunway in August.

Anyways this week's the first week of school after two weeks holidays. It wasn't THAT bad. Got most of my results back. So far I got 2 B's and 5 A's. But the A's don't count cause they were crappy A's. Like mostly around 50-60. The standard nowdays is quite low that even an A means nothing. Overall, I'm quite disappointed. I got one of the highest for physics for the last exam but this time I got 55%. At least I got 86% for history, better than last time. I actually bought books and studied like hell for that one. But in a way it's still disappointing that I didn't get at least 90% above or something for the amount of effort I put into it. I feel hopeless =/ Last year I used to make fun of Giuli and all when our results came out cause she would get above 80 and feel sad. But I get it now, you put a lot of effort into it and you don't even get highest in your class. it;s just like.. What the hell does that person have that I don't!!? sigh.

Screw school, It's shit and It's not gonna make a difference in my future. Moving on.

So yesterday was Saturday. Stayed over my dad's house the night before for fun. I've been staying there a lot lately. Don't know why. Woke up early, Went home, And somewhere in the afternoon, Followed my mom to the tattoo parlor cause she wanted to get an extension to her first tattoo. So technically this was her third tattoo. It was cool, I never knew there was a tattoo parlour in Lucky Garden, Above Domino's. It's just this small red room with pictures of tattoos and art and all with awesome music in the background. It's cool. My mom asked me if I wanted to get a tattoo but I said no. I SAID NO. What the hell was I thinking?! I didn't know where to get it and what to get. I could've at least gotten a small star behind my ear or something like the goalkeeper of Algeria. Lol. It looks cool. But I said no. What the hell. Maybe next time. I'm only 16 anyways and they say my skin'll stretch cause I'm not fully grown yet. But how much more can I grow in two years anyways!? In form 2 I was 154 cm, And now I'm 157 cm. I only grew by 3 cm in 2 years. are you freaking kidding me?!

So yeah, Told Geral about it. And we decided we'll get the same tattoo, Like I'll get a half heart on my right butt cheek and she'll get a half heart on her left butt cheek so when we stand together, It'll form a heart. hahahah. Her idea, It's bloody random.

So anyways yeah. While I was in the tattoo parlour, Got a call from Fana saying she was alone in bangsar and she wanted to hang out. And I couldn't say no cause she was alone, I felt bad! So I agreed. So we had lunch in Mcd, Was supposed to go to BSC to play pool but Geral called and said she'll be in Megamall alone till 8. So we went there and hung out. Fana left at 6 but geral and I hung out till about 10. And we were both gonna watch the 11 o'clock show for Toy Story 3 with our families so yeah.. Coincidence.

Toy Story was.. well, Awesome. But It was bloody sad. And basically it was just one of those cliche movies... Still awesome, Cause it's toy story! The best cartoon EVAA!

So yeah. I've run out of stuff to talk about. So Ciao Niggas

Dear Blog,
It's a cold Friday night. The stars refuse to shine, The sky's filled with empty sorrows. Not even a sight of hope in the beauty of the clouds anymore. Life's been a bitch. Life has always been a bitch, To me in particular.

My family is finally falling into it's original pieces again. I should be happy. But I feel like somehow as the family gets closer, I get pushed further away. It's this huge pile of shit. No, I don't like seeing my family grow apart either.. I just, Well I just wanna be noticed. My friends don't realize my existence at times, and neither does my family. Tell me, How would you feel.. When the world just forgets you're there. You're just standing there and everyone's walking past you, bumping your battered body like you don't mind. Like you're semi-invisible. They know you're there, They just... refuse to acknowledge your presence. And I don't know why I'm treated like this... Was it something wrong I did? I don't know... But whatever it is, Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm just so tired of this empty feeling, this loneliness.
Dear Blog, I'm here cause I literally have no one to talk to right now. No open ear. No one interested in helping me get through this fucked up night. And it gets me thinking... There are billions of people in this wretched world.. and not even ONE of them's for me? Everyone gets someone to talk to, To say goodnight to, To laugh with, To embrace beautiful saturday mornings with, To hold when the world's just pulling you down, Everybody has someone. So God, Why am I alone? They say it's cause I'm 16, Its too early, I don't know what love is. Well, I know what pain is. And I know what loneliness is. Isn't it too early for me to know what hurt feels like?

God brought me into this world, And then I'm forgotten and I'm constantly left alone. Death is right at my fingertips, I could accidentally walk into a moving bus, I could slit my throat with a fucking dagger, I could hang myself on my useless fan, I could jump out of my window, I could overdoes on drugs, I could leave and never come back. What do I have to hold on to anyways? What do I have to live for? My future? What future do I have..

My mom used to tell me to not be like her. She told me to work hard to get a stable job, A wealthy life, She said she saw me as a doctor for some reason. SHE WANTS ME TO HAVE A NORMAL JOB. My dad wants me to be a doctor but I don't care what my dad wants, the man messed up his life, Isn't gonna support me financially after I'm 18, and he expects me to be a doctor because I shit money out of my ass.


I wish I could extend my youth. After this whole education bullshit, I just wanna take a few years off.. I wanna work my band out, I don't need to make music my career for the rest of my life, All I want is to hear my music on the radio, I wanna go on youtube and see fans posting cover of the songs I once wrote in my cramped bedroom, I wanna play in the warped tours, I wanna to go for meet and greet sessions and see millions of my fans lining up, just to spend less than a second with me. I just wanna live that moment, While I'm still young, While I'm still in my youth.Yes, education is important, But I'm not gonna be this age forever. I just.... I don't wanna live my life with 'what if's '

I dont know, Just all this bullshit running through my head. I was fine just few minutes ago... Until my dad came to pick us up, and he asked me the most fucked up question ever, "Hey girl, wanna stay over aunty pam(the woman he had an affair with while married to my mom)'s house tonight?" and I was like "No thanks, Fuck you" and walked out. And I was fine, Until my Ipod, MY BELOVED IPOD, MY LIFE, MY ANTIDOTE, MY HAPPINESS just had to fall into a puddle of water in my bathroom and now It's spoilt. All 50 videos, 1300 songs, 100 pictures, its all gone now :( And I just feel like ripping my head off.



Thanks for reading.