Lately... I've been feeling... Lost. Really lost. Like everything's changing and I can't keep up anymore. I don't think I want to, Everything's fucked up now. I feel like I'm changing too, In a way subconsciously. I've realized now that I don't really matter to some people, And I take the people worth dying for for granted. I take everything for granted. They say I'm ungrateful. Am I? Or is there just nothing to be grateful about? There I go again, Not realizing the beautiful parts of life. It's not that I don't notice it, I am grateful for the things I have. I love everything around me. I just hate what it's starting to become. Why's everyone changing? Where did the good go?

Sigh. What can I say about these people? Lifeless, Narrow minded idiots. It's bad enough you pollute our goddamn world with your Cheap Chocolate + Ghee scent. And then you walk around crying about every damn thing that crosses you and then you call your black boyfriends with boot cut slacks to come and cry with you. And then you go ahead bitching bout shit in your language with your bloody hand gestures and facial expressions that look like someone just stuffed a damn comb up your ass. I don't give a shit about the things we do that pisses you off but if you Fucking bitch about us and I'll run your goddamn Indian ass over.



Bitchtit.

Nat. Is. Crazy. She's all about photography and Korean guys. And it amazes me that she can pull almost every hair style off :p
What else? Uhm. She's short, Means we can push her around and there's nothing she can do about it. Nyehah. Nah just joking, Her screams are nightmare material :S

Nigga.

I think I blogged about the things I love long, long, long time ago. But lately, I've become a rather hateful person. I don't know why but for some reason, A lot of things gets on my nerves. Like for example...



Mariah, Ew. Look at her, Just fucking look at her. She looks like an overjoyed playboy bunny. What's with the pathetic excuse of voice range? She doesn't even sing her songs anymore, She whispers it. And her boobs takes up 3/4 of her body =/



Mosquitoes come from the deepest Pitts of hell. They're hairy monsters that drink every bit of your blood and then leaves you scratching to your grave. They have the ability to control minds. They are insignificant, Useless and down right annoying. God made them as our punishment for Japanese pornography. Worthless motherfuckers.


No, I don't HATE nerds. I hate their narrow minds. Like "OH MY EINSTEIN YOU SAID THE FFFFFFF WOOORRRDD!! I'M GONNA GO TO A CORNER NOW AND THINK OF WAYS TO BURN YOU AND STEAL YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE OF IQ" geez. Fuck is a beautiful word! It's a way to express yourselves without needing to say a whole sentence. If someone takes a crap on your rose bush, Or if someone eats your cat, Or if someone supports Obama, You don't have to go like "You worthless loser! I hope your mama grows fat and drinks horse sperm!" You could just say "Fuck You :) "

I also hate that people judge you on what you wear. If you walk down the street wearing shorts, You're a slut. If you walk down the street wearing a tudung and anything that covers everything except your toes, Then you're well brought up. What? Showing skin is gonna get you to hell? It's just clothes. Dressing up in comfort is just being real. Dressing up to please others is just an embarrassment.


Hannah Montana, Demi Lovato, Miranda Cosgrove, Jonas Brothers, Ew. What bout ozzy Osbourne? Bullet for my valentine? Avenged Sevenfold? Trivium? Killswitch engaged? Led Zeppelin? Britney Spears for crying out freaking loud!? THAT IS ROCK. I hate the way they classify those Disney freaks as pop ROCK?! ROCK MY FREAKING ASS. Artificial drumming much? And guitar riffs my tone deaf brother can play! And artistes that only get famous cause of their parents. It's a disgrace to the music industry. They say THIS is teenage music? Gay. Gay. GAY.


There's something about him that really turns me off. His hair maybe? His music genre? His smile that reminds me of a horny Sasquatch. What's with the hair? What's with the gay dancing in his videos?! What's with the songs?! What's with the tone?! What's with the Indian-ness jamaican wannabe?! Is he even indian?! What the fucking does Reshmonu mean!? Omg. He's married :S

It's Friday again! Today was obviously boring, We had moral in the morning. Goddamn it, I hate that fucking subject. It's absolutely pointless, The teacher has a dry sense of humor, The class is filled with Indians :S Kill me!

So I was sitting behind class with Gelal and while talking about how turning on it would be if we had a threesome with a goat, She showed me this purple thing on her knuckle. I showed no expression, Mainly because there was no possible way to express my worry! ( cheh :P )

So I've come up with only ONE possible conclusion.






Geraldinho has cancer :(

Yeah, Not just ANY cancer, BREAST CANCER. Cause she has a bump on her knuckle, Probably it couldn't find space on her juicy ngunga's :p



So Geral, I just want you to know... :(


Of all the times you ditched me and all the times I refused to randomly scream "Let's fry apples" and when I failed to teach you how to ride a bike and when I ate your cat and when I sold weed to your cousin's monkey and when I chickened out at the haunted house and when I got you freaking potato chips for your birthday and when I insulted your boyfriend and when I hacked into your myspace and when I posted the videos of your poor attempt of acting on youtube and when I got jealous of roshinni and when I said you were gay and when you proved to me that you were gay and when I got you a pet fish but accidently dropped it on the way to your house and when we disected a cockroach and when I pulled your hair and when I stole someone's shoe for you and all the times you forced me to go to the toilet eventho you knew I don't pee. And all the times I merajuked when you'd ask me to shut up and when I experimented different types of party drugs, and when I set your room on fire and when I forgot what I was gonna say

I just think you should know...

I love you, Nigga :)

and I think you over did it on the knee implants =/

Have you ever had mixed feelings? Have you ever lied to yourself that everything's okay? Have you ever reconsidered the meaning of happiness? Have you ever thought that the grass is much greener on the other side, All you gotta do is walk over? Have you thought you were over something when really you just tried to keep it at the back of your mind? I guess it's been what I've been doing my whole life. Somehow all these things I hate constantly walks back in my head. I thought the misery ended so long ago. When really, all this while I was lying to myself and the world. No doubt, I am happy. Not just the happiest I can possibly be. And I know what it's like to be happy. That happiness could never be replaced, It could never be forgotten. But what if the only thing that makes you happy is the only thing that gives you misery? I used to condemn happiness. But now I see, It's my fault. I let myself be vulnerable, I let my happiness hurt me, I let my happiness mess up my head, I let my happiness spoil my day, I let my happiness get away with false pretense, Because I love my happiness. I loved My Happiness. But I got sick of the misery, There was no way to win the loosing battle, I knew even if I tried, My actions wouldn't pay off. Cause I was just a joke to everyone else. I was nothing special. I had to run away. I had to lie to myself. I had to let go of my only hope. The only thing that kept me going. I had to pretend I was okay.




Shut Up, Cassie. You're Getting Poetic Again! :o

It was a normal day at Mahsuri's Bm Tuition, We laughed, We got stoned, We didn't finish our essays, It was all the same. Except she decided to teach us how to write a 'karangan bercerita' cause some of us were fond of it. The minors.

No, This wasn't some cliche shit like "Saya sebatang pensil yang sexy", We were supposed so write about a bad experience.

While explaining to us that bulu roma isn't pubic hair, She slowly drifted off into a different story. A story based on experience. Well, Indirect experience.

So She said...

One day, A friend of hers decided to camp in some random jungle because she felt an intimate connection with the plants and the animals and the heatwave that has the ability to control minds. One night, While taking a crap by some bush, She was disturbed by a flash of white light. Mindlessly, She walked towards it. And suddenly the light faded into a grandma. And the grandma had a gnarly injury. She looked like she humped a log the whole night, So Mahsuri's friend, Lets call her Sally.

Sally felt bad for the grandma so she decided to pass her a band-aid (pfft). After band-aid-ing the mysterious log humping grandma, Grandma was like "hey dude, Could you walk me home?" Sally didn't have the heart to say no cause grandma was stoned. So she was agreed.

They had a pleasant walk to grandma's crib. They talked a little about the weather, The heatwave that was going to take over the world, Airplanes, Pizza, diarrhea and what not.

They were having 'fun'.

After that, They reached a happy yellow house. It didn't occur to Sally at all that no one in their right mind would build a fucking yellow house in the middle of nowhere. Mindlessly, Sally ignored all odds and went in to smoke pot with grandma.

After she regained consciousness, Sally insisted on going back to her pathetic excuse of a tent. And so she did so.

The next morning/afternoon/night/day, As Sally was packing up, She remembered that she left her jacket in Grandma's house, And she was like "I can't ditch it! It's fucking prada yo"
So she walked back to the house.

23 hours passed but there was no house at sight. And then half a second later, She spotted a huge ass graveyard. She could've sworn that was where grandma's crib was cause she remembered the bush she took a crap on, It turned yellow.

Mindlessly, It still didn't occur to Sally that grandma was fuckin dead, She thought she was just stoned from last night/afternoon/morning. And then she spotted a yellow tombstone, Just by the bush, It was kinda ironic that the tombstoned blended in with the diarrhead bush. But Sally ignored all odds. And then she spotted her jacket next to the tombstone so she walked to get it. And to her surprised, Grandma's picture was printed on it, But How'd she know it was grandma?
That's cause grandma was wearing the band aid :p

And then a bear attacked her and Sally lost her memory.

The evening was depressing, The air carried misery from a thousand hearts possibly, The sun didn't seem like it felt like shedding light on this pathetic world. I could see elderly people walking their dogs and contractors walking back and forth, I could see a dead leaf fall from a tree, and that fat mamak dude who totally has a crush on my mom at his house, across the street . I on the other hand, Was home alone,Well, Not exactly, my maid was around, But she's in her own world so I guess her company wouldn't make much difference. I was sitting on my couch, Watching some American Pie movie that JJ installed into my Ipod. As the credits played, My mind slowly wondered off again. It's just occurred to me that... I have no life. I sit here at my computer day by day, Blogging about how miserable I am that some guy didn't call me back or about my mom PMS-ing or about... well, poetic stuff. I'm.. Really.. Lame. It's then I thought of learning psychology maybe. So I can manipulate/control people and tell when they're lying. Indirectly, It's a way to rule the world. Love on the other hand...



Is Bullshit to me now.


Love makes the world such a sad place. For so many years now, I see couples around me killing themselves softly by getting on each other's nerves. Just cause He forgot their anniversary or She doesn't give him enough attention or He gets horny and sleeps with his colleague or She buys the wrong peanut butter or He talks to another girl or She gets too friendly with his best friend and He misunderstands or She.. WELL YOU GET MY DRIFT.

Why do people still bother going through this bullshit? And then they come to me and tell me they love the guy and they cant live without him but he's killing them. haha, Dude, You sound so poetic. Is he really all that? Isn't love supposed to be about... Happiness? Trust? Kindness? and all that other shit? What's with all these mindless suffering? It's not that you'd sacrifice the misery for him/her. It's just that... You love the misery don't you?!
It gives you something to think about. I remember so long ago, My friend just got with her boyfriend, and she was complaining on how they haven't fought yet, haha!
Well, I can't blame her. What's a relationship without drama? I'd seriously get bored if every night is just "goodnight honey, I love you!" and then in the morning I'd get breakfast in bed or something and then during the day I get a random flower. Ew. Why can't he just cheat on me so I have a reason to start a fight?! No, I'm not saying I want him to cheat on me! I don't even have a 'He' to think about but.. Ugh, This is besides my point.


My point is... I've got bored of love. I've got bored of the heartache, The empty words, The roses, The memories, The text messages that never got replied, Everything. The whole concept just bores me to death now. I've become sceptical. I just don't see the beauty of love anymore. I guess You could say, I gave up on love. I got sick of it. Love is naive. People say I'm only 15, and that I have a goddamn long life ahead of me but then again, If at this age, Love seems like diarrhea before the exam of your life, Then what makes Love the answer to your prayers when you grow a little older? People just get fucked up day by day right?


Life is the beautiful painting my mom hung up on the wall. Love is the crayon my little brother used to colour all over it.