Dear Blog,
It's a cold Friday night. The stars refuse to shine, The sky's filled with empty sorrows. Not even a sight of hope in the beauty of the clouds anymore. Life's been a bitch. Life has always been a bitch, To me in particular.

My family is finally falling into it's original pieces again. I should be happy. But I feel like somehow as the family gets closer, I get pushed further away. It's this huge pile of shit. No, I don't like seeing my family grow apart either.. I just, Well I just wanna be noticed. My friends don't realize my existence at times, and neither does my family. Tell me, How would you feel.. When the world just forgets you're there. You're just standing there and everyone's walking past you, bumping your battered body like you don't mind. Like you're semi-invisible. They know you're there, They just... refuse to acknowledge your presence. And I don't know why I'm treated like this... Was it something wrong I did? I don't know... But whatever it is, Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm just so tired of this empty feeling, this loneliness.
Dear Blog, I'm here cause I literally have no one to talk to right now. No open ear. No one interested in helping me get through this fucked up night. And it gets me thinking... There are billions of people in this wretched world.. and not even ONE of them's for me? Everyone gets someone to talk to, To say goodnight to, To laugh with, To embrace beautiful saturday mornings with, To hold when the world's just pulling you down, Everybody has someone. So God, Why am I alone? They say it's cause I'm 16, Its too early, I don't know what love is. Well, I know what pain is. And I know what loneliness is. Isn't it too early for me to know what hurt feels like?

God brought me into this world, And then I'm forgotten and I'm constantly left alone. Death is right at my fingertips, I could accidentally walk into a moving bus, I could slit my throat with a fucking dagger, I could hang myself on my useless fan, I could jump out of my window, I could overdoes on drugs, I could leave and never come back. What do I have to hold on to anyways? What do I have to live for? My future? What future do I have..

My mom used to tell me to not be like her. She told me to work hard to get a stable job, A wealthy life, She said she saw me as a doctor for some reason. SHE WANTS ME TO HAVE A NORMAL JOB. My dad wants me to be a doctor but I don't care what my dad wants, the man messed up his life, Isn't gonna support me financially after I'm 18, and he expects me to be a doctor because I shit money out of my ass.


I wish I could extend my youth. After this whole education bullshit, I just wanna take a few years off.. I wanna work my band out, I don't need to make music my career for the rest of my life, All I want is to hear my music on the radio, I wanna go on youtube and see fans posting cover of the songs I once wrote in my cramped bedroom, I wanna play in the warped tours, I wanna to go for meet and greet sessions and see millions of my fans lining up, just to spend less than a second with me. I just wanna live that moment, While I'm still young, While I'm still in my youth.Yes, education is important, But I'm not gonna be this age forever. I just.... I don't wanna live my life with 'what if's '

I dont know, Just all this bullshit running through my head. I was fine just few minutes ago... Until my dad came to pick us up, and he asked me the most fucked up question ever, "Hey girl, wanna stay over aunty pam(the woman he had an affair with while married to my mom)'s house tonight?" and I was like "No thanks, Fuck you" and walked out. And I was fine, Until my Ipod, MY BELOVED IPOD, MY LIFE, MY ANTIDOTE, MY HAPPINESS just had to fall into a puddle of water in my bathroom and now It's spoilt. All 50 videos, 1300 songs, 100 pictures, its all gone now :( And I just feel like ripping my head off.



Thanks for reading.