As some of you know, I was supposed to go to Sarawak like.... Last friday, with my mom and brothers. So the night before, We all got our stuff ready and shit and the next thing we had to go was just to wake up the next day and leave!

So on Friday morning, I woke up with the most.... Unbearable pain. But I thought it was just period cramps cause it was my first day, So I sorta ignored it. After that I went downstairs, I brushed my teeth, Went to my mom's room and just fell on her bed and couldn't get up after that (The pain got worst) So I forced my mom to take me to the clinic to at least get a jab or something to make the pain bareable until we got to Sarawak.

When we got to the clinic, The doctor told me to lie down so she could check if it was appendicitis or not. So she pressed my lower abdomen and shit and the pain I had was constant so it was hard to tell. Then she advised us to go to a hospital to get a more thorough check.

So we arrived at the Emergency ward at Pantai Hospital, And they immediately told me to go sit in some room, It's sorta like... A waiting room but with beds and medical equipments and other shit. So while I was lying down on the most uncomfortable bed with the most stiff comforter, The doctor comes in and presses my lower abdomen again (seriously, everytime they pressed it, it hurt more) And she said MAYBE it's appendicitis, Maybe it's just period cramps. So she called a pediatrician in ( I was kinda confused on why I needed a pediatrician in cause well... Aren't pediatrician doctors for children? I don't know. ) . He was this really enthusiastic guy and He had this retarded name. Dr. Ganguli or something. haha.

Anyways, He was damn rough, So when HE pressed my lower abdomen, I screamed. And then he already knew it was appendicitis. But just to be sure, He asked me to go for an ultrasound. And if my ultrasound was clear, It's confirmed I have appendicitis.

So they pulled me on my bed to the ultrasound room. ( It was so cool, Felt like those cliche doctor shows when they show the patients point of view and all he sees is the ceiling and a couple of nurses dragging the bed he's on and his family member tryina keep up. haha)

And when I got there, They put some gel on me, Yada yada.. I'm sure you all know how an ultrasound goes. And they confirmed I had appendicitis ( shit )

So They pulled me back to my 'waiting room' and they started getting me ready for the operation. Mind you, This was at least 2 hours before my flight so I was damn disappointed I couldn't go. Shortly after that, Some student nurse came into my room with a bottle of acid (i think) and started cleaning my nails. It was harder for her cause All my nails were painted black. So it took quite a while. After that, They installed my drip. God, It was painful. It just felt like a pinch but it was a long pinch so obviously it hurt. ( I'm NOT a whimp! )

After that, They told me to strip off my clothes and get myself into the hospital gown. The gown was huge, But still, It was damn comfortable. haha. I wish I could take it home with me :p

About half an hour later, They dragged me into the operation theater. God, I was terrified at that point. Well obviously, It was my first operation. I didn't know what was gonna happen! And on top of that, I watched Awake, So It just added to my fear :p

But it wasn't that bad. When they dragged me in, They were getting all the tools ready to open me up. I refused to see the tools cause I sorta have this phobia for needles. Not seeing it made it less traumatic. I think the doctor was trying to distract me so he asked me about school and crap, And PMR and shit. And then the doctor told the nurse to give me 'oxygen' or something. So they put this mask on me, And before I knew it, I was drowsy as hell, And everything around me started going in slow motion.


And I WASN'T awake during the operation. Yay :) Awake was shit then. haha
They put me in some recovery room for a few minutes. I could hear the nurse calling my name, But all I wanted to go at that point was... Puke. Guess I didn't agree with the anaestatic. I puked after that. But nothing came out, cause I didn't eat anything at all. Then they told me to lift myself up and get to the next bed, I was still drowsy but I did it anyways. Then they pulled me to my actual room. I opened my eyes a little bit, And the first thing I saw was my aunt ( Dad's sister) , My cousin ( Aunt's daughter) , My other aunt (mom's sister) and my brothers. I was about to close my eyes again and then I realized something, And I got the biggest shock of my life!

MY DAD'S SIDE WAS IN THE SAME ROOM AS MY MOM'S SIDE?! ( divorced parents, Cold war )


Wow.

Then I went back to sleep :p

And when I woke up, I needed to puke again and I felt damn weak, So when the nurse came in, I asked her to give me something to kick the nausea out. But you know, All doctors and nurses are betrayers when it comes to nausea. They tell you they're giving you medicine to get rid of the nausea but it's actually to make you puke the nausea out. ( Geral should know what I'm talking bout :P )

So the nurse jabbed me with some puking poison, And about 2 seconds later, I kept puking and puking. But like I said, Nothing came out except wind. And saliva. haha. But still, At least I wasn't standing on the line of puking and not puking ( in other words, Nausea )

Then I went back to sleep again :D

And when I woke up, I felt great ( No more nausea, Guess the jab wasn't a bastard after all ) And then I asked my mom if what I saw earlier was true, And she said "Yeah.. Your aunt was here too" And I was still in shock. I felt kind of flattered actually, Cause despite all the shit that happened, My aunt still came to see me.

Anyways.

I was hungry as hell. But I couldn't eat anything, Cause my large intestine and stomach shrank or something. And obviously cause I just came out of operation. So I sat there, Helplessly, While watching everyone else in the room have their dinner. Aren't they all just so thoughtful? >=/


After that, I called Geral to tell her about my shitty day. And news travelled fast. Telling Geral something is like telling the press, In a good way :p

I don't remember anything after that, So lets just skip to day 2 :p

DAY 2 IN HELL.

I couldn't really sleep the whole of the previous night cause my drip finished fast and the nurses had to constantly come in and changed it, And everytime they changed it, My hand'll hurt a little. And besides changing my drip, They had to come in to check my blood pressure and temperature, So technically it's all the nurses fault I couldn't get rest >=/

Still couldn't eat, But I pee-d A LOT. And it took me at least 5 minutes just to get off my bed. Cause the pain was just.. UGH. I had to roll myself in a really retarded way, And someone needed to support my back cause I was too weak/scared to lift it myself. And even walking to the toilet was hell cause it felt like I was having an asthma attack. I couldn't breathe properly, Couldn't even talk when I was on my feet so I had to whisper, Or talk soft. Everytime I took a piss and managed to get back on my bed, It felt so relieving. And the next hour, I had to do the same thing all over again. Yeah, I had to piss frequently. Cause I was on some glucose drip to keep me hydrated, Since I couldn't eat and shit. In the morning, I found out that my cousin ( Dad's brother's son ) was admitted the same day, On the same floor, With the same doctor, Cause of appendicitis too. Huge coincidence. Creepy coincidence. Like what the hell was going on?! Was this supposed to be some family reunion or something?! God damn it. And my grandpa was being a dumbass about everything. Constantly telling my mom to go and make with them or something, As if my mom started everything. But whatever, I'm tired of pointing fingers. I just didn't like the fact that certain people looked at this situation as a fucking family reunion. GEEZ! My cousin and I were in pain and that's all they could think of!? Well, I don't think anyways else was thinking of the situation that way except for my grandpa..... Cause he's dumb.


As I was saying,

At 12 something, Giuli and Josh came to visit. They bought me some magazine, And josh lend me his Nintendo DS, And they bought me some balloon thing that said "Get well soon", How sweet of them :p ( Until they had their lunch in front of me. ) (Just kidding chu :P)

They kept me company for quite a while, Basically we were sitting around, Watching Disney Channel cause they had this Pixar marathon :p ( It was entertaining ok! )

THEN GERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL CAAAAMMEEEE

And yeah, It was really awkward when Geral came, Cause at that time, Josh and Giuli weren't in the room, and my sunday school teacher came at the same time, So... I got prayed for....... With Geral there. haha. I know it's religion and shit, But still, It was so awkward. Geral said my sunday school teacher was so... Enthusiastic while praying for me that even GERAL felt blessed. hahah ( she's full of shit :P )

Then Giuli and Josh came back with their lunches, mmmmmmmmmmm... chinese food..... I could just smell it across the room as they both sat down next to me and started eating. And Giuli was savouring every single bite......... GOD, I THINK SHE TOOK ABOUT AN HOUR TO FINISH THE WHOLE THING. haha. Sorry Chu, I was just so hungry :(

After that we watched some more cartoons, THEN LYDIA CAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

We just sat around talking after that, Cause it started raining so the cartoons were gone! (ugh) But still, It was alright, We kept laughing and laughing and laughing really hurt cause I swear to god, Everything I laughed, I felt a cramped. And lydia kept accidentally hitting my wound. Ouch, But it's fine Lydia, I took painkillers after that :p

We eventually got bored in the room, So I told the nurse to take my drip out for a while and get me a wheelchair so we could all explore the hospital :p

So they pushed me around in the wheelchair, We were all just excited about the wheelchair basically. So we explored, and explored and explored, Basically we only went downstairs to starbucks.

After that Geral and Lyds had to leave, So we waited till they left, and then Giuli, Josh and I decided to go to explore some more :p

First we went to the Baby ward..... To see babies. lol

But we couldn't get in, Cause only mom and dads were allowed to get in. But whatever, I could've passed for a pregnant woman anyways, Ya know, with the wheelchair, The pale look and all. But still, Didn't wanna try :p

After that we went to the international lounge on the 6th floor, The 6th floor is awesome. The waiting room/international lounge on the 6th floor has a plasma tv, A coffee machine, Internet room, And meeting room and shit. But the 5th floor's waiting room was basically just an empty space... With a tv in the middle of nowhere.

So we hung out there for a while, And then I needed my drip again, So we went back to my room.

After that, Giuli and Josh had to go, So it was just me and my mom again.

At night I got this really bad flu and I was aching everywhere, So I just slept.

DAY 3 IN HELL

Somewhere during the day, The nurses said that my drip got infected so I had to change the needle. I refused, But then I noticed that my hand was badly swollen so I had no choice basically.

First they removed the needle, It didn't really hurt as bad. But half an hour after that, They had to install it again, On my left hand this time, Before this it was on my right, So whatever.

The nurse installed it, And then took it out again cause she apparently 'raptured' my vein. And my mom seriously scolded them. haha

After that, The nurses felt bad, So they tried talking the doctor into giving me oral medicines instead. But the doctor refused. So He came and installed it himself. He installed it on my right hand wrist. They dont usually put in on the wrist cause it hurts more and it comes off easily but since I had no where else, He did it anyways.

5 minutes after that, My hand was seriously, SERIOUSLY swollen, In other words, He raptured THAT vein too. So the doctor finally gave in, And said I could take oral medicines ( For the love of GOD! )

It felt so good not having to feel antibiotics going through my hands anymore. But still, My hands were badly swollen so I had to sit with an icepack on it for a couple of hours.

Later at night, The doctor said I could FINALLY have more than water. But only yogurt and shit. Still no food.

But it was fine, I love yogurt.


DAY 4 IN HELL

Towards the afternoon, I already felt so sick of yogurt, AND FINALLLLLLLLYYYY the doctor said I could eat! But only porridge. But at least it was something! I couldn't eat like normal tho, I had to take really small bites and chew it a lot. It took me like 2 hours just to finish 1/4 of my food. Ok, Maybe I was pushing it with the small bits thing. BUT STILL! If I went too fast and puked, I would've had to go thru EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN.

And later at night, I got discharged.


DAY 5......... AT HOME

Right now, I'm sitting down in my living room, Typing this post. I realized that my body has kinda... Changed. It's not even, My right side is higher than my left side. Which is not good cause I'm supposed to walk like normal or my body will stay like that forever. But to be frank, I don't know what normal is. I try to walk normal, but.. It's not right. I don't know, I'm just scared I might become retarded.

Anyways, I have no idea how I'm gonna go to school next year. Since I can't carry anything heavy for the next 6 months, I don't know how I'm gonna carry my books and all. And I don't think I can sit on the floor, Maybe I'm supposed to be like that random indian girl in school, Who sits right behind the assembly on a plastic chair. It's so ironic, Just few months ago, We used to make fun of that girl. Well, Not make fun, Just complain! Like, Why can't she just not be a pussy and sit on the floor like everyone else!?

Trust me, Random Indian Girl, I take it all back.

Labels: appendicitis.

Last night was so fucking cold, It was amazing. Anyways I had this really random dream last night. I don't usually blog about my dreams, Cause it's pointless. But this one was really random.

So it started of with me and... Geral I think, In a mall. And we were in MNG. But MNG looked so different. It was sorta a pharmacy. 3/4 of it was filled with Johnson's baby products :S

And I was running around the store looking for that pair of jeans I wanted but it ran out of stock (gah) and then out of the blue, geral passes me a bottle of that spray on Rexona and says I really needed it. Gee. haha

Suddenly, We were all back in my place, And I think we were having visitors, I don't remember who they were but I knew they were indian :p

And I don't know why but I was looking out the window, And the sky was changing colour from yellow to pink simultaneously and apparently, The world was ending.



=/ The things that go through my head.

I think I've reached a stage in my life where... I'm just starting to hate everything. I was just sitting at home, Looking at some old photographs. Well, Basically reminiscing about old memories. And I just wish I could jump back in time when I was just a kid. So carefree d in and naive. I didn't have to be involved in anyone's bullshit, No one told me anything, Glad cause the truth always hurts, I never had to see the bad side in things, I was too young to understand, I could just sit there the whole day playing with my toys and nothing would bother me. I've realized that basically my whole childhood was a lie. The family was falling apart and I'm glad at that point, No one told me anything, I'm glad I was too young to understand. Cause if I DID understand, I wouldn't be alive right now. I would've jumped off a cliff, Knowing how irrational my thoughts would've been at that point of time.

But these photographs, Somehow... Doesn't carry the misery, It carries the happiness that lives within, A long long time ago, In every smile. Photographs don't carry the truth, Just an image with a thousand words.

I don't know where this is going... I just I'm just trying to say I really hate how everything has turned out. Not just with my family, It's about absolutely everything. And everytime I breakdown, I think about suicide. How things would be if I just disappeared? I mean, It doesn't seem like my presence is significant anyways. People are always walking out on me. How would things be if I never existed? Probably better. I guess I'm just a burden. My own father walked out of my life, Didn't fight for my custody at all but told everyone my mom was a whore and then fought with the law cause apparently 700 bucks was TOO MUCH to give me every month to fend for myself and now he's telling me that he promises, I would never get anything from him. Guess what, dad? You're right now, I never got anything from you, and I know I never will. I don't know why I still talk to you, I don't know why I still call you my father. It's a shame to be known as Cassandra 'DENIS' nowdays, Knowing the history behind that name, Where it came from. I call your phone just to hear another kid's voice at the end saying "Daddy, Who's that you're talking to?" , You bought me all my guitars but you've never ONCE heard me play for yourself. You got me an advanced piano tablature book for my birthday, Not knowing that I dont even know theory. Hell, You cant even remember my birthday. I can't believe I thought you actually gave a shit about me. You can't even spend more than 2 hours with me cause you're busy sucking everyone elses balls.























I wish I could just stop breathing.
I'm sorry.

Ever heard of that movie, Boys Dont Cry? Apparently it's a true story about a chick named Teena Brandon who got a sex change basically cause she had a sexuality disorder or something? Well she claims that she WASN'T lesbian, She was just a dude stuck in a woman's body. Kind of makes sense. I think.

Well anyways, I just watched a documentary based on her story and how she died... It was tragic.

Its like this,

She had to move to Nebraska(Hell) cause everyone in her home town found out she was actually a girl and all the girls she dated were out to get her. And in Nebraska, She met up with some chick named Lana whom she dated as well and Lana had a best friend named Michelle (Who's more manly than Teena) Who had a brother named John(Who's a psychopath) and John had a friend named.. Uh.. Mark. Nissen I think? We'll just call him Nissen. And John, Nissen and Teena became friends. Until they found out Teena was a girl, And they got pissed so they whacked the shit out of her and raped her just to prove to Lana that she was a girl, But Lana refused to accept it so John and Nissen murdered Teena. Stupid isn't it?

But I pity Teena. All she wanted was to have a penis.... Legally. But a couple of guys couldn't accept that so they just HAD to kill her. Or probably cause Teena knew how to treat girls better than them and they were loosing out. It's true, Almost all the girls Teena's ever dated said he was a really good kisser, and that he was.. well. perfect =/ except for the fact his 'new' dick was too small.

Until they found out he was a she.

Creepy.

But I don't know how they bought it in the first place, I think Hilary Swank in the movie looks WAY more manly than Teena. And Teena's voice was higher than mine :S

Retard Nebraskans!


ANYWAYS.

Today was the last day in school. Said bye to most of my friends and some form 5's.. I didn't think it'd effect me when they had to leave.. But it did. I'm gonna miss all the retards who always create drama and get in trouble, And I'm gonna miss Adiba and how retarded she is... And so many things. Oh yeah.. Scandal stories about a certain someone.. I don't know why we pay so much attention to it anyways. But my point is, After they're gone, Next year's gonna be...... Fucked up.


I don't think any Form 4s read my blog, So it's fine to lay it out here.

Basically, They're really.... lame =/

They're square la basically. 3 years in that school and not even ONCE any form 4's have gotten into any trouble. Seriously.

I don't know how next year's gonna turn out.

Then again, I said that about this year and it didn't turn out THAT bad.

So yeah, We'll see :p

By the way, My ear has been ripping the life out of me. I recently got my cartilage pierced, And at first, It didn't hurt AT ALL! seriously, I couldn't even feel the stud on my ear after a couple of days. Until yesterday, When I was changing, My T-shirt collar accidently, Literally just pulled the back of the stud and that was probably the worst pain I've been thru :S

Since then my ear has been really.... Annoying. The top part of my ear is now red. Ugh.

Oh my god. I wish I could just get my hands on that Fender Telecaster 72 Deluxe. So many artists use it! Like Josh Farro, Trace Cyrus, Maika Maile, The Summer Set, Ivoryline, The Almost, My Chemical Romance, Hellogoodbye, The Urgency, Train, Webb Wilder, War Tapes, Deryck Whibley, Chuck Leach, Martin Johnson, musicman1066, That guy from You Me At Six, That guy from The Starting Line, And I'm sure a fuck load more! Even that guy from fucking bunkface! But it costs like 4,000. I can't even come up with 60 bucks! And apparently Fender Clones are fucking shitty :S






Damn it. :(

Hi. :D

It's... Uh. Friday? I think? Damn, Time flies!
I kinda forgot when's Geral coming back :S in 3 days I think, yeah?


Well anyways,
Yesterday was boring as usual.. So I called Roshinni and we went to Mid Valley :p

We watched this retarded 3D movie called Cloudy something Meatballs. The 3D glasses were fcuking huge and annoying so I couldn't concentrate on the movie. O yeah, And we saw Fatin working at the ticket counter! What the hell!?

I knew the cinema was hiring after PMR people, But I didn't wanna work there cause of the retarded vests we had to wear! But guess what, Turns out you DIDN'T have to wear the vests. Just a white Shirt and slacks. Ugh. Too late anyways, Its almost the mid of November. And Shannon's mom said I could help out at her schoolhouse, So it's all good :D

Anyways, After that Rosh persuaded me into piercing my cartilage...... And I did. It was burning for about 10 seconds.... And then I couldn't feel a thing. No big deal. It's kinda wasted cause I think it's too far in, So it's hardly noticeable. Roshinni was trying to negotiate with the lady to make it more further out, But I was too nervous to think so I agreed with anything. Wasted. So yeah, Guess I'm not THAT scared of piercings ANYMORE. :p Prolly I'll get another one the next time I go there? haha

It was only 12 bucks anyways.

And then we walked around and we went to this shop called Diva. They had interesting earrings. But it was like almost 40 bucks for 3 pairs alone and since Roshinni was loaded, I asked her to get it for my birthday :p But... Uh.. she stole it for me instead :S

Yeah, It's damn easy to steal from diva. lol. The workers there are stoners!

And we went to MNG to try out some jeans. There were this awesome pair of grey jeans that I tried out. It's like 190 bucks. And I'm damn broke at the moment so I guess I'm gonna have to let it go :(


And after that, I followed Roshinni home. And as you all know, She has a FREAKING AWESOME Ibanez guitar that I've fallen in love with. So I was playing it on her bed, And she asked me if I could teach her a song.... So I tried my best to teach her.

It was so weird that she knew power chords but not NORMAL chords like... A basic C chord or even a damn E minor!

And apparently her first song was Beast and the Harlot :p Amazing isn't it ? (What the hell were you teaching her, Sam?!)

" Tonight I was babysitting. I have been pretty upset about my recent break up with my ex boyfriend. When the girl I was babysitting asked me why I looked so sad, I told her that I had just gone through a tough break up. She nodded and left the room. When she returned, she was holding The Sims video game and said "Let's kill him!" Made my night. MLIA "

Hey.

It's 11.17 pm and according to my phone, It's Monday.

I'm sitting here feeling bored out of words so I decided to update this sad little blog.

These past few days have been so... Goddamn boring. I just have no idea how to fill my time! I'm constantly broke, I have no transport anywhere, My friends are always too busy for me, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!?

Anyways I spent Halloween with Roshinni, Ram and Zahier, Running around doing stupid stuff that I dont wanna mention here for the sake of my image.

But I guess it was out of the ordinary. Apparently there were a lot of parties going on but I didn't get invited to any. Damn, Never knew I was THIS lame.

Anyways.

I was on myspace just now, And I came across this guy's profile. It seriously annoyed me how all his picture captions were totally irrelevant. Like, There was this one picture of him and his friends and the caption was some lyric from Boys like Girls. People totally misunderstand the meaning of a fucking caption.

My eyes fucking hurt.