Today was very unexpected. Just in the morning, Roshinni couldn't stop talking about how nice this guy she just got to know, Satpreet, was. And how he was advicing her not to try drugs, And how he was her pet brother. She literally couldn't stop. Until after recess when the news reached school...
Satpreet passed away in a hit and run accident this morning at about 6 A.M on his way to Nilai. Some thought he was speeding, and some say he was drunk. But who'd know?
Yes, There were tears. There was... laughter, Unintentionally. Some people thought it was a joke, Since the first of April's tomorrow. I couldnt blame them, Even I didnt believe it at first. A part of me still doesn't believe it, Cause it's too... Random to be true to be exact. Among all the people in this cruel world, Why'd it have to be him? He was only 19. But though he died in a young age, I'm sure he wouldn't have regretted. There's nothing he hasnt done! And at that moment, It hit me!
What if we all knew when we were going to die? How could we enjoy every second knowing all the good things we had now was going to come to an end? We might dream of what we were to become in the future, The life we'd wanna live, Not knowing we're gonna fall asleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow. Or some of us may live like we're gonna die tomorrow, Not knowing we have a whole life ahead of us. I dont wanna know when I'm suppose to die. But I dont want a long life. I couldnt live with the pain of watching the people around me die. I'd wanna go first if I had a choice. I dont think it'll matter much cause sometimes I feel like I'm being taken for granted. Not many people notice my presence. When I start to talk, They tell me to shut up. When I come around, They walk away. My own father hasn't said a word to me in so many months. My brothers curse me to hell. Everyone only sees the horrid side of me. I wanna see their expressions when my death is announced. I might probably be forgotten by the second week, Or month, But its just the moment, When it's stricked everybody. I'm gone.
Rest in peace, Satpreet.
I was calm. From the very second my mom told me about it. I tried my best to avoid the thought of the medieval torture weapon modern doctors call, Needles. But I totally lost it. The second the doctor said "Ok, It's gonna hurt! >:) "
Holy Motherfuck!
"So, Go lie down on the bed."
"Uh, Ok, Which side?"
"Any side you want"
"How're you gonna jab my hand if I'm lying down?"
"I'm not jabbing your hand, I'm jabbing your butt"
"OH SHIT! MY BUTT!?!?!?!'
"Ok, Just lie down"
"OK, No, no, wait, just let me relax first. Ugh. Ok, NO WAIT! I DONT WANNA TAKE IT, I'VE CHANGED MY MIND!'
"Ok, just sit down"
"Goddamnit! GARJANKUNRLGNLURG!"
* calls bitchy nurse in to hold me down*
"Damnit! Get off me!'
"JUST LIE DOWN!"
*mom grabs me and pins me down* *I bit her hand*
*doctor jabs the living shit out of me* *I didnt feel it by the way but I liked the feeling of overreacting*
"So did it hurt?"
'OH, OH HEEEWWWWWLLL YEAS!' (nah, not really :P)
I couldnt stand up straight for like a few seconds and now its like something's killing the living tissues in what's left of my battered muscles. lol. shut up cassie.
It was a lonely night tho. But surprisingly the loneliness didn't bother me. Maybe it was the thrill. There were not many stars, Just one. And the sky was pale blue with a little trace of clouds. It was a beautiful night, Except for the never ending mosquito bites in the most awkward places.
Earth hour just ended about an hour ago. I would say it was rather fun. Spent the first half an hour cam whoring and what not with my bros and eventually my aunt came along and joined. It was such a shame on the amount of houses who ACTUALLY turned their lights off. I think it was just my neighbour and I. The rest were prolly not home or whatever. Ugh, Typical. But guess what? Even KLCC turned off their lights!
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Whoa
Brandon Boyd drew every animation in this video.
I was going through a few videos on Youtube and I came across this channel, basically it's this girl playing drum covers and honestly, She really sucks. But the fact she's a GIRL drummer, she has a lot of good comments and high ratings. I find it so ridiculous the way they stress that she's a GIRL drummer. Big deal. So just cause she's a girl, They've gotta cut her some slack? There are million guy drummers out there who are way better than her but she gets the fame. Cause she's a girl. I'm a girl drummer and I'm not saying all of this cause I'm jealous, Honestly I'm not. I'm just saying the world is so sexist. Hasn't it occurred to anyone that there are guys AND girls out there? Just because hundreds of years ago, girls were forced to stay at home and take care of a dozen of kids ( cause the men couldn't control their sperm ) Doesn't mean we cant do anything! Maybe the half of us dont try sports cause we're too afraid to sweat, Or we dont try music cause we'd rather sing pop? Maybe the half of us dont. But the other half of us do. And in fact, We could kick dude ass anytime. Just cause we have involuntary boobs doesn't mean we can't do things too.
I showed my mom one of my latest songs. And the first thing she said to me was "Why are all your songs about misery and false hope?"
It got me thinking. Why am I so miserable? I'm only 15. If you asked me what my problem was, I'd say I dont know. Cause honestly, I really dont. I dont have... A real problem. Everything I think about is fictional. I dream big but I'm either too lazy or too afraid to achieve it. There are some parts of me that I've never dared express cause it's too insane. I was never good at expressing emotions anyway. But why do I write about misery and false hope all the time? It's not cause I'm 'emo'. Honestly, I'm not emotional at all. It's cause I only write when I'm feeling depressed and apathetic. But it's not me that's miserable. It's the world.
Agree?
Today has been rather dull. Then again, When is it not? When will these days ever have a meaning again? When will I find the thrill of waking up the next morning, breathing the air of a new day? It's not tomorrow I wanna live, Its the past. I'd give anything just to feel the happiness that I once felt. But It kills me softly knowing there's nothing more I can ever give. They say out of sight, Out of mind. But absence makes the heart grow fonder.
The millionth minute had come to pass and already we are talking as if it's been forever. There is nothing to be said. Its too late now for apologies but I'd accept it anyway. Tho I haven't gotten any yet. Maybe I'm the one at fault here. But where did I go wrong? Where did I go right? What exactly happened?
I guess I'll never know.
Anyway... It's pretty obvious I changed my blog. Its black now and I changed my header too. I gave up all the 'Cassie Doesnt know" shit. Cause frankly, I dont know what I dont know and it's getting old. I havent changed my link tho cause I couldnt think of anything appropriate just yet. Nevertheless, If anyone has any ideas what so ever, Post it in my NEW cbox and I just might consider it :p
It was early evening. The sun was still glaring into my eyes like a burst of a never ending lightning. The cold wind had a comforting twist to it. I was trying my best to avoid the thoughts that have been draining my hours. I tried not to show the emotions I felt. It was good that nobody knew. It made it easier to lie to myself. I had to. Just to get through another day.
I've just realized how lame my blog is. I feel like deleting my previous posts but then again, I guess its sentimental?
Anyway, There's gonna be major change!
honestly I find it quite pointless doing online surveys and what not but then again, it kills time.
You are required to answer ALL the following questions.
Tag more than 20 people and repost it with the title:
I've done --- out of the 132 stupid things.
Level 1
( ) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
( x) Drank Alcohol
SO FAR:1
Level 2
(x ) Am / Been In Love
Level 4
(x ) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die
SO FAR: 5
Level 5
( ) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking
SO FAR: 6
Level 6
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
(x ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit
SO FAR: 8
Level 7
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
( x) Taken Pain Killers
( x) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
( ) Made A Snow Angel
SO FAR: 11
Level 8
(x ) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding
(x) Played Dress Up
SO FAR: 15
Level 9
( x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledging
(x ) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School
SO FAR: 19
Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake
SO FAR: 20
Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
( x) Been Robbed / Vandalized
( x) Been cheated on
( x) Been Misunderstood
SO FAR: 24
Level 12
(x ) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
( ) Had Detention
( ) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident
SO FAR: 25
Level 13
( ) Had / Have Braces
( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night (i'm a Popsicle person)
( x) Danced in the moonlight (wouldnt say danced...but spend alot of time IN the moonlight tho)
SO FAR: 26
Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look
(x) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
( x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
SO FAR: 30
Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
( x) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World (where would this be for malaysia?)
( x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying
SO FAR: 35
Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
( X) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins
SO FAR: 40``
Level 17
( x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x ) Made a Prank Phone Call
(x ) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
( ) Kissed In The Rain
SO FAR: 43
Level 18
( ) Written A Letter To Santa Claus (never believed in that old bastard)
( x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
( ) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere
SO FAR:45
Level 19
(x) Crashed A Party
( x) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
( x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
( x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey (WHAT?!)
SO FAR: 49
Level 20
(x) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Swore at the teacher, in front of them
( ) Swam With Dolphins
SO FAR: 51
Level 22
(x ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
( x) Sat On A Roof Top
SO FAR: 54
Level 23
( x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
( x) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
( ) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about.
SO FAR: 57
Level 24
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
( x) Climbed A Tree
( ) Had/Been In A Tree House.
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone.
SO FAR: 59
Level 25
(x ) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail
SO FAR: 60
Level 26
(x) Played Chicken
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger ( :( )
( ) Broken A Bone
( x) Been Easily Amused
SO FAR: 63
Level 27
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
( ) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
( x) Cried So Hard You Laughed
SO FAR: 66
Level 28
( ) Mooned/Flashed Someone
( ) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
( ) French Braided Someones Hair
( ) Gone Skinny Dipping
(x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(x) Tried to hurt yourself
SO FAR: 70
Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling.
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone.
(x) Been Black Mailed
SO FAR: 74
Level 30
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone
SO FAR: 78
Level 31
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
( ) Flattened someones tires
( ) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas
Total: 78
I've done 78 out of 132 stupid things FOR REAL/!?!
mood : shut up and smile
So my pc finally got fixed! well no, its a new one. Not exactly new... we gave this cpu to my dad about... 3 years ago, hoping he would fix it. Of course he never did. Oh well , It works now! :D
except no other keyboard works for this pc except my foldable one. Its freaking whoreshit! I have to dig into the keys just to type a typo-less sentence .
ANYWAY...
I got tagged!
in this survey, pick 5 out of your friends and write about em.. (leave out the bad stuff please=) )
I. Geraldine! (Bra!)
We go WAY back! well not really, I sorta knew her since the first day of primary school when she stole my chair during moral class. lol. But that was just.. a what the hell thing.. We met at ballet class few years later. Ballet class, yeah =/ I dont know why the hell I agreed to go for ballet class in the first place but I'm glad I did! I sucked in ballet tho, I had no friends, I never could do a split, I failed my exams, I kissed ass during performances, God, It was a living nightmare.
So yeah, technically she met me in ballet class but weren't friends back then cause I was freaking anti social and alienated.
and then she started going in aunty Lim's bus in standard 6 and thats where it all started ;)
Yeah. She's my bra.. No its not what you think! She gives me support and is close to my heart. LOL. Anyway...
II. Roshinniiiiiiiii (Bra strap!)
She's a wild crackpot.
III. Shannnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooonnnnnnneh
We only got close in high schoool. But in a way she's one of my best friends. I mean, we share a lot of stuff. It's weird cause we hardly talk anyway. haha. Its just one point we got close thru msn. Well she kicks ass :p
IV. Nagen!
Its weird. So many years ago Roshinni told me to add this guy named "water taste good" and he HARDLY ever came online! even when he did, he would always just go like "i'm horny, I wanna see boobs" So I blocked him.. for a long time. and then one time he came on and I decided to unblock him and we started talking bout superheroes. lol. It was hilarious. Well, that's pretty much where everything started. Turns out he's actually from Damansara or something and yea. All this time I thought he was from Sarawak , I dunno why.
V. (Wait, It's V right?) CHU LIIIIIIII!!!!
My crazy white blonde who would die for music. My bands singer :D
I'm adding summore!
VI. Brandon Boyd.
We got married few days ago ;)
V7. NATALODEON
Hi nat :)
v8. DANIAL!
Lion king kicks mulan's chinese ass!
v9. AH, SEE LA!
Bubbly as hell
v10. My brothers
Who came straight from the pits of hell
v11. My guitar teacher, Eric :D
Thanks for tolerating my poor attempt of trying to understand theory and those times when I overslept and made you wait an hour . :s
v12. Tashaaa!
I would walk pass you in BTC everyweek not knowing its you and you not knowing its me :p
v13. Ram?
Every conversation we ever had always led to sex. WHY?!
v.14 Paramore
I love you guys! I would kill and fuck a screaming goat to see you guys live!
Fine, I'll stop here.
Heartbroken...
I understand...
Do you? Tell me, What's going on?
I'm sorry, I'm not ready... I dont want you to be sad
Why are you so afraid?
I dont know... I just dont want you to be sad
Just tell me, Yes or no?
No... Its better this way...
So I guess then this is goodbye...
No, We're still good friends ;)
I guess I saw it coming.
As some of you know, Geral was admitted in the hospital few days ago cause they suspected dengue but its not, She just has bronchitis I think. But she's still alive and kicking. Despite her condition and bla bla, She was still her usual bubbly self. Roshinni and I spent the last two days there keeping her company. She shared a small room with another patient, A 70 year old Chinese woman who was fighting cancer. I only saw her once when I went over her side to peek if she was still alive. ( I swear, She was DEAD.)
It wasn't that bad hanging out in a hospital, Besides the kiss ass TV and the dead room mate and the mashed pumpkins they served for lunch, Gosh, I wonder how Geral survived. I'm not surprised why she was so desperate to go home. Well, She got discharged like, A couple of hours ago.
why did the turtle cross the road?
Cassanbra says:
i.... dont know =/
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
TO GET TO THE SHELL STATION!!!! :D
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
DONT LAUGH AT GOD!!!! (he can hear u)
Cassanbra says:
what if im laughing at you?
Cassanbra says:
hahah
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
NO DIFFERENCE!! I AM GOD!!!!!!
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
I HEAR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
I HEARD THE INDIAN BEHIND U FART!!
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
i personally think that indians are the pinnacle of sophistication
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
they are so well mannered and nice, so what if u cant see them hiding in the dark at night?
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
so wat if they're hairier than ur grandma's ass?
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
so what if the only good thing they can do is make roti canai for ur cat?
DaNiAL!!!..... says:
THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS THAT DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT!!!
I hear my juniors hooking up with each other almost everyday. For some of them, Its just like back in primary school when everyone used to have little crushes on each other thinking it would be forever and then they get together for name's sake not knowing there's more to a relationship then just spending 5 minutes alone behind the school hall. And when one looses feelings for the other, they find a new one. And the cycle just goes on and on and on. But I always thought puppy love was true love. Because 'adult love' was all about sex. 90% of married couples get divorced because of lack of sex. Some men cheat on their wives because of lust. Families are torn apart because of lust. Its not everyday you see an old married couple hold hands while taking an evening walk together. On the other hand, Puppy love was when both of them would promise the world to each other knowing they had not much to give, when she would lie about the boy she was with after school just so she would be with him for a few more weeks, when he would spend his last savings on a birthday gift for her. It's when all the small things mattered most. But what about teenage love?
Well to me, Everyone only gets one first love. And whether it was puppy love or not, That person would always be a part of you. But then again, Love is bullshit. It's complex confusion taking over you emotionally. It's a shame how many people fall for it's traps and then question themselves to the grave why it didn't work out. I fell in what I thought was love. But the love I wanted wasn't meant to be. I guess I do have a long way to go. I'm only 15. I shouldn't even be wasting my time on love. I should be going around vandalizing public toilets and going against my parent's rules and burning my homework and rock out with my band. I realized that, I'm never gonna be 15 again. Why should I waste my time over a heartache when I could live life hardcore? I'm not saying I'm not gonna date at all or have my first kiss when I turn 27. I'm just saying I'm too young to get too serious. Tho, I'm a sucker for love.
